sooooo, it's November

2010 is about to be history and I have just gotten used to writing it on checks.  Where has the time gone this year?  I guess raising babies will do that to you.  This has been a wonderful year so far.  As tired as I am, I have been having a lot of fun watching my girls grow and enjoying new and old friends.  Things have been added...new hobby/obsession (quilting!), new clubs/friends (Guild), new church friends.  Things have been subtracted...the crib (but I guess bedtime battles should go on the 'add' list), a whole lot of mental junk (Praise God!), sleep :(   Lots of things have stayed the same...great bible study friends, wonderful church, great neighbors, loving family, our health.  What could the next year have for us?  Hopefully more blogging...haha.

back from summer break...

it's been awhile since i've checked in.  life here has been full of summertime stuff. pretty lazy, yet busy at the same time.  is that possible?  we've spent our days at the swimming pools, going to the park, visiting the library, and taking long naps in the air conditioning.  joe had a few long trips (dallas, singapore), we made our annual trek to the beach, and the kids spent a week at camp grammy. lots of fun stuff. it just went so fast.  this was my last summer before any of my girls will start formal school.  we get a couple of bonus weeks for the last time.  it's been a sweet time. we're moving out of the baby stage into the terrible twos and all the mischief that comes with it.  Maggie is a headstrong, determined little being who's cuteness outweighs any terrible thing she can muster.  Annabelle turned 5 years old today and I must say it has really sent my emotions whirling.  She is so grown up.  And it has gone faster than I could have ever imagined.  It was as if as soon as she came out of the terrible toddler stage when you think the days will never end, time started moving at lightning pace.  She is the most delightful thing in my life.  She has the most tender, sweet heart and she has the bubbliest personality.  She genuinely loves people and people just can't help but love her.  Blessing is an understatement.

heading out for vacation this evening.  looking forward to some uninterrupted family time.  taking some fabric with me to do a little sewing.  it's all hexagons baby! 

enough...

am I good enough?  when will that thought be definitively and finally be answered? yes.  every time.  yes. that's what Jesus says.  when will it sink in?  when will i walk in that complete freedom?  what in the world would my daily life look like while living from that reality rather than the drudgery of perception that i'm not.  and it's drudgery. wading through mud.  look at your life Christy.  if you weren't enough and God didn't love you, would He have given you all of this?  believe that He isn't holding out on you.  

heading north

after almost 4 years, i'm finally making it up to see my sharon.  i just can't wait.  after all these phone calls, i get to see the infamous house!  of course, the world is crumbling fast as i prepare to leave. ab with a fever, the dog just threw up about 3 days worth of food, and joe is getting all antsy about what 'to do' with the girls.  i have to get out of here fast!!!!

just another manic monday...

up early.  the sun was up at 5:30.  the quiet is nice. had a pretty busy weekend and we're staring down a packed week.  having one of those up-early-worrying-about-something-said-yesterday mornings.  it was one of those moments when you said something that you didn't want to say because you know it is a dig and could potentially be hurtful.  but deep down, you've been dying to say it because you have just been pissed off for awhile at that person.  and you've been scheming in your mind what you'd love to truly say to them, but know you never will because it's just mean and makes you look ugly.  well, a tiny little bit of what i have been dying to say slipped out yesterday.  and inevitably...remorse.  and so the mental roller coaster begins...God, heal these wounds. they've been there for years and the scarring is deep.  i don't want to walk out of this hurt, i want to walk out of a heart changed and healed by You.  i have no idea how to make this better. 

the happy place

waking up at 5:30 for a 'bobble', endless diaper changing, constant correcting, always feeling like a 'meany', gazing longingly at the project collecting dust in the corner, gazing disgustingly at the hair balls forming all over the hardwood...it's easy to just get sucked into the vortex of 'blah' when life feels like Groundhog Day.  I'm dreaming of a special place that I'm sure doesn't exist.  One that is gated, outside (so my kids are getting their dose of fresh air, haha), but shaded so I don't have to worry about sunscreen, grassy yet bug-free so we don't need the spray, concrete that doesn't hurt when you fall on it.  a place where i can sit, relaxed, watching my kids play and laugh and truly enjoy them without thinking about anything else.  without a magazine, without a book, without a list.  just purely watching them live without having to correct, catch, yell, discipline, clean, collect, assess.  a place where all i need to say is 'good job, wonderful, YES!' a place where the word 'no' isn't needed.  ahhhhh.  that would be a nice change.  God, how can i snap out of this funk? or is it something that isn't supposed to be snapped out of...