heading north

after almost 4 years, i'm finally making it up to see my sharon.  i just can't wait.  after all these phone calls, i get to see the infamous house!  of course, the world is crumbling fast as i prepare to leave. ab with a fever, the dog just threw up about 3 days worth of food, and joe is getting all antsy about what 'to do' with the girls.  i have to get out of here fast!!!!

just another manic monday...

up early.  the sun was up at 5:30.  the quiet is nice. had a pretty busy weekend and we're staring down a packed week.  having one of those up-early-worrying-about-something-said-yesterday mornings.  it was one of those moments when you said something that you didn't want to say because you know it is a dig and could potentially be hurtful.  but deep down, you've been dying to say it because you have just been pissed off for awhile at that person.  and you've been scheming in your mind what you'd love to truly say to them, but know you never will because it's just mean and makes you look ugly.  well, a tiny little bit of what i have been dying to say slipped out yesterday.  and inevitably...remorse.  and so the mental roller coaster begins...God, heal these wounds. they've been there for years and the scarring is deep.  i don't want to walk out of this hurt, i want to walk out of a heart changed and healed by You.  i have no idea how to make this better. 

the happy place

waking up at 5:30 for a 'bobble', endless diaper changing, constant correcting, always feeling like a 'meany', gazing longingly at the project collecting dust in the corner, gazing disgustingly at the hair balls forming all over the hardwood...it's easy to just get sucked into the vortex of 'blah' when life feels like Groundhog Day.  I'm dreaming of a special place that I'm sure doesn't exist.  One that is gated, outside (so my kids are getting their dose of fresh air, haha), but shaded so I don't have to worry about sunscreen, grassy yet bug-free so we don't need the spray, concrete that doesn't hurt when you fall on it.  a place where i can sit, relaxed, watching my kids play and laugh and truly enjoy them without thinking about anything else.  without a magazine, without a book, without a list.  just purely watching them live without having to correct, catch, yell, discipline, clean, collect, assess.  a place where all i need to say is 'good job, wonderful, YES!' a place where the word 'no' isn't needed.  ahhhhh.  that would be a nice change.  God, how can i snap out of this funk? or is it something that isn't supposed to be snapped out of...

been awhile...

been awhile since my last post.  busy sewing, chasing children, trying to figure out all these blog/photo sites.  i have a bazillion ideas.  going to a quilt show this weekend and heading to sharon's in two weeks :)